The uninvited.

We didn’t do it on purpose. 

A2 and B2 wanted to get together again and we settled on Thursday.  They suggested organising a group to go to to tangoloft.  The level there can be low,  but it would be good if we had plenty of friends. 

But when we checked it wasn’t listed.  So we put the word out to go to another one,  unknown,  inconvenient,  and  brief.  Then B2 called back “TangoLoft is open tonight I just found a Facebook invitation.”

Since we were going to tangoloft which is wild and happy I wore a wild new outfit.  During my first dance with A2, simultaneously my costume malfunctioned and The Hat walked in.  When you see The Hat you know that bad times are ahead.  He rarely dances,  and only in places with a lot of unwarranted attitude. 

“I’m going home to change,  I’ll be back in an hour.”

On that ride I had two revelations:

[1] How is it possible that I’ve learned to mark every move in tango,  and improved my revelling in same while marooned on two pacific islands with no one to dance with any not enough
bandwidth to watch YouTube,  and here in Berlin with all their resources, they’ve just given up marking most of the tango lexicon and on revels technique entirely. 

[2] And another thing that’s hard on me is having dance friends with whom I do not a relationship to give corrections. A. Few sentences would be enough to make a big difference,  but I can’t do it in the milonga.

I got back by midnight,  geared up for a better night than I had anticipated,  and I lost the plot.  Three of our crew didn’t show,  and instead of focusing on A2 and B2, I tried to get into the marathon style crew.  I figured enough people have seen me dance now that the shoes and so forth are no longer a barrier.  I know there are some in that set who know more than Ochos and need to practice,  so let’s get it on. 

It took two hours for me to realise that the ones who kiss me hello weren’t even going to do that.  At 215 I left,  and once I was outside I cried. 

I know when I’m outclassed.  I’m easily intimidated by girls with beautiful back ochos.  But there weren’t any.  There were two girls who were reasonably strong dancers,  maybe better than me,  hard to tell when the vocabulary didn’t test them. 

But the girls who were dancing all night were tall,  skinny,  long legs,  and several wearing mini-skirts, (which works for tango when no one is leading voleos).  It was just not about dancing.

Aside from the uninvited guests,  there were no women marking or men revels.

In truth I never quite got my desire organised for any of those guys. 

But I also forgot that the point of the night was to dance with A2 and B2. It didn’t feel like a place to learn and play together, which is what I anticipated we would be doing,. And I felt to have the best chance with these guys I needed to conform and not dance open embrace in their special party. I chose the wrong side.


I want you to know that you are not alone…

… neither in your dreams for tango nor in your frustrations.

My deepest desire is the same as all my students and friends … those who have yet to start dancing and those who dance a lot.

It’s partnership.

One thing I’ve learned on this quest, we need to:

Stop Waiting for Partners, and start Building them.

I’ve written a 10-step Action Plan.

Are you ready to find the Partners you want?



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February 7-19Wellington NZ

February 7-9 Bruges NeoTango Marathon

May 8-10 NeoTango Marathon Amsterdam Seminar

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