I am not a teddy bear: a gender breakdown


So first of all my motivations and possible rewards as a mark are different than a man’s. I am not interested in romance, or confirmations of my virility. I am not interested in her tits or smile. I do not feel her beauty as an acquisition.

The physical sensation will never be the same because I do not have a lot of mass or a workman’s chest. We can snuggle,  but it’s not going to be as good. So the “rhythmic” style of dance now popular which is about having a hug with spectacular musicality, is not really open to me.

Someone asked me if I could enjoy that style marking a man. Problem is that if I find a man small enough that I can see over him to dance in close embrace, then he is probably a mark who I want to revel with, not to mark.

Again because of the mass I cannot delight a girl by hurling her out of axis.  I cannot support her unmanaged weight with a finger  or two,  only with good and mutual technique.  Girls sometimes ask me to dance expecting what  JT, wiggling her fingers in the air,  described as  “magic”.


I am not a teddy bear. And two sets of breasts can get a bit busy.

Marking for me is therefore about art, and as an artist I’m a sculptor, so where other people are interested in rhythm, I’m interested in shape,  form, contrast, dynamic motion. And I need a revel who is ready to dance,  not be danced. 

I want you to know that you are not alone…

… neither in your dreams for tango nor in your frustrations.

My deepest desire is the same as all my students and friends … those who have yet to start dancing and those who dance a lot.

It’s partnership.

One thing I’ve learned on this quest, we need to:

Stop Waiting for Partners, and start Building them.

I’ve written a 10-step Action Plan.

Are you ready to find the Partners you want?



Can we Help?

Considering Tango?

2019 TangoForge

February 7-19Wellington NZ

February 7-9 Bruges NeoTango Marathon

May 8-10 NeoTango Marathon Amsterdam Seminar

July 3-5 Bremen Neo Tango Rave Seminar

July 17-26 Phantastango

August South Sweden.

September 11-14 Athens Neo Tango Marathon

October Berlin