The good nights in tango are among the best nights of your life: elating, ecstatic, gorgeous. The bad nights are among the worst: degrading, dejecting, absurd. You wonder why you continue, and yet to stop would mean giving up the hope to experience that richness again. The pain and discomfort of tango frustration can be huge, because tango’s promise is.
So you continue, a bit wiser. You develop some tricks to care for your spirit.
You realize that it’s not the men you have fallen in love with, but the dance. Annoyingly, you need them. But more and more you realize that they rarely match or appreciate or even see the depth of what you bring.
Sister, Tango is already yours.
It’s time to seize your power.
Tango was the first experience in my life that I felt truly beautiful and that I enjoyed receiving the desire of men, abundantly. I was so high i couldn’t believe what was happening to me. I dressed like a doll and I danced every tanda. I started to Mark in a moment of outrage over a sexist incident, and I was pathetic at it for the first couple of years. When I found myself teaching I had to get serious about Marking and then discovered I understood it better than many men around. I became fascinated with the structure of tango, at first with the technique, and later with improvisation. As I advanced, I became more sensitive and discerning. Now there are very few men who manage not to discomfort me, and far fewer still who even bother to work with the skill I bring. I will put on my stilettos if there is someone in the room worth dancing with. The rest of the time I mark. Sometimes I don’t even carry extra shoes, I dance in what I’m wearing.
Sister: It is so powerful to walk into a milonga knowing the night is yours, that you are not dependent on being chosen, that you are not dependent on the men’s skills. That your love for tango is not defined or limited or waiting to be expressed through some random collection of careless men.
Please know that you can bestow your skills on beginner men and know that their growth is thanks to you. You can draw dance partners with the power of your desire. And because you have more to express, and are not afraid to let your feelings out, you will be a very good Mark. (Get over the idea already that it’s “so hard”. Learning the second role is easier for every dancer. It will be much easier for you than it was for all those struggling men you were so patient with.) If there is a man worthy of you, you may have time to dance with him.
You are not waiting for some man, tango is waiting for you.
Are you ready to overcome tango frustration and find your power?
Step one: Taking power as a Revel: Read “The Power of Desire“)
Step two: Make the milonga your own. Start to Mark so that you decide if there’s any man in the room more interesting than your own dance. Get together with a girlfriend and do our free course, “The Milonguera Mark”. It’s designed to get you comfortable dancing in a milonga in less than two months.
Step three: Stop waiting for partners and start building them (see the box below).