Tango Sisters

postitleswirl

The good nights in tango are among the best nights of your life: elating, ecstatic, gorgeous. The bad nights are among the worst: degrading, dejecting, absurd. You wonder why you continue, and yet to stop would mean giving up the hope to experience that richness again. The pain and discomfort of tango frustration can be huge, because tango’s promise is.

So you continue, a bit wiser. You develop some tricks to care for your spirit.

You realize that it’s not the men you have fallen in love with, but the dance. Annoyingly, you need them. But more and more you realize that they rarely match or appreciate or even see the depth of what you bring.

Sister, Tango is already yours.

It’s time to seize your power.

Tango was the first experience in my life that I felt truly beautiful and that I enjoyed receiving the desire of men, abundantly. I was so high i couldn’t believe what was happening to me. I dressed like a doll and I danced every tanda. I started to Mark in a moment of outrage over a sexist incident, and I was pathetic at it for the first couple of years. When I found myself teaching I had to get serious about Marking and then discovered I understood it better than many men around. I became fascinated with the structure of tango, at first with the technique, and later with improvisation. As I advanced, I became more sensitive and discerning. Now there are very few men who manage not to discomfort me, and far fewer still who even bother to work with the skill I bring. I will put on my stilettos if there is someone in the room worth dancing with. The rest of the time I mark. Sometimes I don’t even carry extra shoes, I dance in what I’m wearing.

Sister: It is so powerful to walk into a milonga knowing the night is yours, that you are not dependent on being chosen, that you are not dependent on the men’s skills. That your love for tango is not defined or limited or waiting to be expressed through some random collection of careless men.

Please know that you can bestow your skills on beginner men and know that their growth is thanks to you. You can draw dance partners with the power of your desire. And because you have more to express, and are not afraid to let your feelings out, you will be a very good Mark.  (Get over the idea already that it’s “so hard”. Learning the second role is easier for every dancer. It will be much easier for you than it was for all those struggling men you were so patient with.)  If there is a man worthy of you, you may have time to dance with him.

You are not waiting for some man, tango is waiting for you.

Are you ready to overcome tango frustration and find your power? 

Step one: Taking power as a Revel: Read “The Power of Desire“) 

Step two: Make the milonga your own. Start to Mark so that you decide if there’s any man in the room more interesting than your own dance. You can understand tango. Take responsibility for your experience with our MasterCourse.

Step three: Stop waiting for partners and start building them (see the box below). 

I want you to know that you are not alone…

embrace orig crop

… neither in your dreams for tango nor in your frustrations.

My deepest desire is the same as all my students and friends … those who have yet to start dancing and those who dance a lot.

It’s partnership.

One thing I’ve learned on this quest, we need to:

Stop Waiting for Partners, and start Building them.

I’ve written a 10-step Action Plan.

Are you ready to find the Partners you want?

 

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2020 TangoForge

6-19.February Wellington NZ
7-9 February Bruges Neo Tango

…DISTANCE…

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Reflect and Train

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Exercises from Maui

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Important Insights

Books

Power is the courage, confidence, and competence to make things happen. I want to create in a way that’s incomparable and define my own compensation package. You too?

Syntax of Power is a raw, potent, and spare revelation of how I got to where I am and how I take on the struggle every day.

This book is not about tango, it’s about everything else.

It’s about stepping into the darkness of change, learning how to take care of yourself, and making things happen.

Dyv stands for Duro y Vio. We were inspired by a 2007 conference at Harvard University about tango as a transnational culture. Also we wanted to create something that would help people to imagine a queerer tango. We forbid ourselves to use the word ‘passion’ and instead tried to articulate the experience more precisely.

Argentine Tango is more than an elaborate and difficult dance, it is an international culture of intimacy, desire, and dignity. No mere romance or memoir, the intricately woven stories evoke tango’s true mysteries … the elation, the frustration, the compulsion…

We published the book in 2009. Dancers asked “how did you know what I was feeling?”

Silences in history. Silences by code. Silences of fear. You already know that Tango’s silences can be sublime and they can be devastating.

What I do in my blog is use myself as a lens – sometimes a microscope, sometimes a telescope. I try to be as honest with myself and you as words concede. Then I try to find a deeper meaning and imagine a pathway for us.

A blog post can be a fragment, a wisp of inspiration, an outline for thinking. A book must complete and reconcile it all. Now I drag the social scientist to the scene to enumerate the facts of the case, the mystery which brought both stardom and tragedy to my life.

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