Pleasures of the Cabeceo

Alain Andreaux suggested the theme of this post.

The cabeceo is advocated as a way to avoid embarrassment and non-consenual dances. But it’s not only a prophylactic, it also has pleasures of its own.

The cabeceo is a process whose completion is its own victory, even if you have misjudged the target or the traffic and the tanda is underwhelming.

I am elated by a night in which I capture every man I aim at, even if I don’t enjoy the dances. I feel especially victorious if the cabeceo is developed across a great distance, backward, or despite scarce eye contact.

The other night I danced with an unattractive beginner. But he had a masterful cabeceo, and throughout the rather painful tanda, I continued to relish the cabeceo itself.

A few days later I was cabeceod by a guy who felt me turn my head in his direction. He matched the movement and our first eye contact was directly into the contract.

The pleasure of the cabeceo is being desired, receiving risk, exuding graceful openness to a stranger, re-affirming your desire for a known partner, entering into the mystery with certain and smoldering mutual desire.


I want you to know that you are not alone…

… neither in your dreams for tango nor in your frustrations.

My deepest desire is the same as all my students and friends … those who have yet to start dancing and those who dance a lot.

It’s partnership.

One thing I’ve learned on this quest, we need to:

Stop Waiting for Partners, and start Building them.

I’ve written a 10-step Action Plan.

Are you ready to find the Partners you want?




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