Shhh! A secret for men!


This is a post I don’t want to write, but I’m forcing myself to do so.

I don’t want to write it because I think people are generally beautiful, and as I get to know someone, they start to shine in my eyes. Before long I am awestruck with their beauty, and because of this I tend to fall a little in love with everyone.

That’s my truth, but this post is about something else. In this post I’m trying to be objective, to share with you the cold hard facts of tango.

Deep breath…

Men who don’t turn heads on the street are hot stuff in the tango world, and will have a large selection of women to choose from if they want to date or find a girlfriend.

There, I’ve said it.

I can’t tell you how many times this has happened to me. A guy asks me to dance who is — can I just say “not at all my type”. I like short, lean guys with cheekbones, and generally not blondes. This guy’s a little too tall, he’s not slim, has a full face, and bright blonde hair. Plus he has that too-eager look which means he might not be a good dancer and is generally un-cool. Oh, and he’s sweaty. It’s not promising, but I like the song that’s playing so i deign to accept the dance. Less than two minutes later I am having such an intense experience with him that I have the perception we are in love. I have thought, “well I guess he’s my boyfriend now.” This is without having spoken one word to each other. The hallucination is put to rest when he sweetly thanks me for the dance 9 minutes later and walks away from me to another woman, but he can have me anytime he wants me because I believe we shared something special.

I’ve had this experience many times. Many many many more times than I have looked around a tango room and thought “there’s a handsome guy”. The hotties in tango are hot because of their dancing. They are almost never guys I would look at otherwise.

Want proof? Check out this American tango couple. This is Nick Jones and his new wife, Diana Cruz.

Many of them are portly. If you are heavyset but agile, tango is for you, because your mass makes tango easier.

And I’ve only discussed my tango crushes. I’ve also had the chance to observe so many ordinary guys become extraordinarily hot and desired as they become good dancers. The women simper and flirt and offer themselves. I am not exaggerating.

So what’s the magic? See my post on tango and masculinity…

You know sometimes you’re sitting in a restaurant looking at a couple, beautiful girl with ordinary or not-so-attractive or much-older-than-her guy. And you’re thinking “why is she with him?” And then you watch them get up and leave the restaurant and you realize that was his Ferrari parked out front. And then you say “oh, right, women are attracted to money, not just looks.” Tango is the same, only you get lots of women.

But it’s not dancing tango that will get you this attention. It’s being good at it. Some people say this takes years. It really depends how serious you are. I’ve seen guys get to this point in less than a year.

All the posts about masculinity.



Getting Started

Are you ready to start dancing Argentine Tango?

Of course there are courses in almost every town where you can meet other beginners. In case you are a bit shy and you’d like to start training and learning first at home, we have a beginner’s package. It includes 10 practice sessions, a book to get you excited (print or e-book), and a home page here at TangoForge with all of our resources for new dancers as well as a forum to ask questions. The practice courses are also useful in case you get very busy or need to travel for work and can’t make it to class. They’ll give you a way to continue improving steadily with or without group class.


Begin Tango Package


Power is the courage, confidence, and competence to make things happen. I want to create in a way that’s incomparable and define my own compensation package. You too?

Syntax of Power is a raw, potent, and spare revelation of how I got to where I am and how I take on the struggle every day.

This book is not about tango, it’s about everything else.

It’s about stepping into the darkness of change, learning how to take care of yourself, and making things happen.

Dyv stands for Duro y Vio. We were inspired by a 2007 conference at Harvard University about tango as a transnational culture. Also we wanted to create something that would help people to imagine a queerer tango. We forbid ourselves to use the word ‘passion’ and instead tried to articulate the experience more precisely.

Argentine Tango is more than an elaborate and difficult dance, it is an international culture of intimacy, desire, and dignity. No mere romance or memoir, the intricately woven stories evoke tango’s true mysteries … the elation, the frustration, the compulsion…

We published the book in 2009. Dancers asked “how did you know what I was feeling?”

Silences in history. Silences by code. Silences of fear. You already know that Tango’s silences can be sublime and they can be devastating.

What I do in my blog is use myself as a lens – sometimes a microscope, sometimes a telescope. I try to be as honest with myself and you as words concede. Then I try to find a deeper meaning and imagine a pathway for us.

A blog post can be a fragment, a wisp of inspiration, an outline for thinking. A book must complete and reconcile it all. Now I drag the social scientist to the scene to enumerate the facts of the case, the mystery which brought both stardom and tragedy to my life.

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