Men using women’s fashion

I have been trying to figure out why it bothers me when men (who are not drag queens) wear stilettos. I love drag queens, and I find them very inspiring. This is not about that. This is about regular men, who are not dressed as women –and who may or may not be gay– wearing stilettos, purportedly for “functional” reasons of tango.

I felt that I was just being nasty.

This summer in Berlin I’ve also been seeing non-cross-dressing men wearing dresses.

And today I saw a guy doing his grocery shopping with a purse. Not a man-bag, not a gym-tote. A purse. And I felt the same thing. So that means it’s not about what’s going on in tango.

I felt offended.


Because we don’t wear dresses because they are more comfortable, carry purses because it’s convenient, or wear high heels because they keep the weight on our toes!

We wear dresses because our prospects depend on presenting our bodies in the most flattering possible way and showing off our legs. We wear high heels because they slim our legs. We carry purses because most of our clothes don’t have pockets, and even if they did stuffing them as men do would cause unattractive bulges, and because we have equipment for responsibilities that men don’t have. We are supposed to reapply our makeup several times a day or even change from day to night, we need to discretely carry menstruation equipment, and we may even need to swap shoes if we can’t manage the whole day in those stilettos.

When men adopt “women’s fashion” to gender-bend or be cool they are trivializing the realities of gender.



Style Guides

UltraVioleta tango clothing for men and women is coming soon! International shopping for the most elegant and sexy tango clothes is about to happen right here.

In the interim, I recommending a few designers and shops that I love, and curating their collections just for you.



Power is the courage, confidence, and competence to make things happen. I want to create in a way that’s incomparable and define my own compensation package. You too?

Syntax of Power is a raw, potent, and spare revelation of how I got to where I am and how I take on the struggle every day.

This book is not about tango, it’s about everything else.

It’s about stepping into the darkness of change, learning how to take care of yourself, and making things happen.

Dyv stands for Duro y Vio. We were inspired by a 2007 conference at Harvard University about tango as a transnational culture. Also we wanted to create something that would help people to imagine a queerer tango. We forbid ourselves to use the word ‘passion’ and instead tried to articulate the experience more precisely.

Argentine Tango is more than an elaborate and difficult dance, it is an international culture of intimacy, desire, and dignity. No mere romance or memoir, the intricately woven stories evoke tango’s true mysteries … the elation, the frustration, the compulsion…

We published the book in 2009. Dancers asked “how did you know what I was feeling?”

Silences in history. Silences by code. Silences of fear. You already know that Tango’s silences can be sublime and they can be devastating.

What I do in my blog is use myself as a lens – sometimes a microscope, sometimes a telescope. I try to be as honest with myself and you as words concede. Then I try to find a deeper meaning and imagine a pathway for us.

A blog post can be a fragment, a wisp of inspiration, an outline for thinking. A book must complete and reconcile it all. Now I drag the social scientist to the scene to enumerate the facts of the case, the mystery which brought both stardom and tragedy to my life.

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