Tango has allowed me to be very close to hundreds of men. To feel their mojo working, or not.
It’s much more pleasurable to dance with a man whose mojo is working, so I’ve tried to figure out what it is that works, so I can teach my students.
Here’s the shortest possible version: Tenderness + Decisiveness.
In a man’s embrace, I can feel everything. Much more than he thinks I can feel. Hesitation, distraction, showing off…I can feel the move he was thinking about, but didn’t do. This is not such a great surprise, really. The brain is tightly linked to all the muscles so every thought is transmitted. An attentive and perceptive woman will pick it all up.
I’m sure that sounds terrifying. (And intimate… more on that later.)
Now you need to learn a little something about Buenos Aires and masculinity. The whole game in this city is learning to control your image, how people perceive you. Argentine Tango is a discipline of total control of your body to communicate the desired effect. Argentine Tango is a formula for seduction. You don’t have to follow through, but when you walk away, that woman will want you. And it’s up to you when you go back, and for what.
Argentine Tango teaches you how to move with strength and decisiveness, so that you will feel masculine as never before.
And it teaches you how to hold a woman more tenderly than she has ever been touched before. To give her the attention she has wanted from every man she has dated and rarely, if ever, received.
And you can have this effect on women without speaking one word to them, only by catching their eye from across the room. If they smile or nod at you, you get them for 12 minutes of silence.
And then you can walk away and enjoy what you have accomplished. No questions, no small talk, no awkwardness.
Making your dance effective requires discipline and practice. But it doesn’t require that you already be in good shape, that you already feel like a very masculine man, that you already have confidence with women. It doesn’t require you to be handsome. See my post about tango and good looks.
Once you have acquired total control over your masculinity in tango, you will be able to enjoy a range of intimacy with women. The dance itself can satisfy some of your desire, especially since you get to have an intense sensual experience with as many as 20 women in one night. It’s likely you will find some dance partners with whom it’s special and playful, others whose aloofness eludes and allures you, and others with whom you find a more sexual expression that may seek fulfillment after the dancing is done.
If you have a wife or girlfriend, tango is a relatively safe way for one or both of you to get a little more attention, to satisfy those urges without violating your faithfulness. And it’s a new language to share. If you’ve learned tango together, you’ll find that in the midst of a fight, you can switch into a physical connection, just doing one step that brings your hearts back together.